I always knew that there are some internal conflict within me. I don’t know how to express it precisely but it is just there.
At the same times, I want A and B. But it is nearly impossible that A and B will be gotten at the same time. Getting A means sacrificing B. But perhaps also there is a way to get both but I haven’t figure it out.
So as usual as what I tell myself, just keep going. Perhaps things will be solved eventually. And hopefully…
Around one year ago, I quitted job in e-Business Sdn. Bhd. to join NCS Informations System Sdn. Bhd. I was placed in Intel as a Validation Engineer. One year later and starting from this morning, I will be an truly Intel employee.
It is hard to express my feeling at this moment.
But truly, I am not entirely happy with it. It may not be all related to my work. But still I feel like things could have been better. I should have gotten a better offer. And because I couldn’t, I have to sacrifice some of the things that I used to enjoy. And this doesn’t only affects me. What else can I do?
I have been given a chance to show my talent, a chance that is really given by my girlfriend. But I couldn’t perform. Up to today, I couldn’t really trust myself to have that capability to do it. I am afraid of screwing the whole things up. Or am I just making things too complicated when it could have been simpler? I don’t know.
So day by day, I am living a life that I try to finish what is put into my hands and what I believe I could have completed well. I am a little too afraid of taking the risk now. Afraid of being denied, afraid of being rejected, but all these just add up. How am I suppose to let this feeling go?